flyingriceball

flyingriceball @ 2006-05-06T02:30:00

2006-05-06T06:33:55Z

tonight was prom. it kicked ass. i loved it.

Baby you make my heart beat faster
Baby you make my heart beat faster
I know...
let alone to rest alone
Yeah..You’re making me
I had to run the damage is done
give it up yeah , give it up yeah
Theres nothing left so take the rest
Yeah You’re draining me

I set it light it burns so bright
Stab it out yeah
Stab it out yeah

Baby you make my heart beat faster
Baby you make my heart beat faster

that sums up the night.

flyingriceball @ 2006-05-01T14:55:00

2006-05-01T19:00:19Z

i havent made an update in forever. lets see...prom is friday. and its crazy as hell trying to figure out how ima get there and all this other shit cause some people are just bitchy. but ima make a video with bob and its gonna be bad ass. well probbly do some wednesday and then some more thrusday. who knows. im hungry tho. lets see what else....hmmm....might do some brazilian jujitsu this summer which would be bad ass. umm.....what else is there.....eagle court of honor is the 20th. it should be fun. i dont know. i just kinda want this week to be over so i can get along with shit. i really want the weekend to come and go but friday to last forever. im a weird fuckin kid i know. what else is there....OHH!!! im in love. dont know if ive told any one that but i love her. yea. feels good, feels weird. just got to give it time and all will be good. its going to be weird after summer cause shes movin to phily which means each viste will have to be planned a good while ahead of time cause of jobs and school and other shit. but yea i cant think of much else to say. things are ok right now altho i just have this weird feeling like i should be ready for something and im not. probbly true tho so who knows. i sure as hell dont but whatever. ill deal with it like i always do. im good at winging shit.

flyingriceball @ 2006-04-08T22:33:00

2006-04-09T02:35:10Z

everything is diffrent for everyone. everything.

flyingriceball @ 2006-03-23T15:37:00

2006-03-23T20:38:33Z

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|	17%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

in other news things are good with michelle, my girlfreind. im starting to fall for her and its kinda scary but ill deal. im happy. i found direction for my life. but yea..things are looking up and theyll only get better from here.

flyingriceball @ 2006-03-20T23:34:00

2006-03-21T04:37:54Z

female survey, yep im dat bored

01. Eyeliner or Mascara? eyeliner

02. Louis vuttion or dooney & burke? dooney cause its funny

03. American eagle or hollister? naked

04. Pumps or flats? naked

05. Skirts or pants? skirts

06. Socks or leggings? sock

07. Hoodies or jackets? hoodie

08. Heels or sneakers? sneaker

09. Straight or curly hair? straight

10. Hoop or dangling earrings? danglin

11. Side bangs or one lengthed? one length

12. chocolate or candy? same thing

13. pink or blue? pink

14. victoria's secret or bath and body works? bath n body works

15. Smoothies or latte? milkshakes

16. Diet or regular sodas? regular

17. Water or daquiries? daquiriez

18. Pearls or diamonds? $$$

19. summer or winter? spring

20. Jessica or Ashlee Simpson? BOTH PLEASE

21. Lindsay or Hilary? lindsay

22. Ipod or cell phone? cell

23. Friends or family? my girl

24. Lip gloss or lip stick? gloss

25. Manicure or pedicures? i like my body parts thank you

26. M.A.C or sephora? $$$

27. Tank tops or beaters? t-shirtz

28. tiffany's or chanel? $$$

29. Love or peace? love

30. Sunglasses or purses? naked

flyingriceball @ 2006-03-14T22:01:00

2006-03-15T03:09:35Z

80 things you might not know about me.
Erase my answers, fill in your own, and repost.

1.Whats your middle name?
Brandon

2. How big is your bed?
a twin

3. What are you listening to right now?
nothing

4. What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?
0942

5. What was the last thing you ate?
pork chop

6. Last person you hugged?
um...i dont know its been awhile, i think laura when i stol her art.

7. How is the weather right now?
Cold

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
boogie?

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
hair

10. Favorite type of Food?
anything asain

11. Do you want children?
sure

12. Do you get high?
not as often as id like but i guess thats good

13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night?
nope

14. Hair color?
dirty blonde

15. Eye color?
green

16. Do you wear contacts?
not yet

17. Favorite holiday?
halloween

18. Favorite Season?
spring

19. Have you ever cried over a girl/boy?
stupidly ys

20. Last Movie you Watched?
Dodgeball

29. What books are you reading?
the picture of dorain gray

30. Piercings?
not yet

31. Favorite Movie?
no idea

32. Favorite college football Team?
none

33. What were you doing before filling this out??
on gaia

34. Any pets?
3 kitties

35. AIM?
themadhatter486

36. Dogs or cats?
kitties

38. Favorite Flower?
umm..baking flour

40. Have you ever loved someone?
yes, and i feel im starting to again

41. Who would you like to see right now?
michelle

43. Have you ever fired a gun?
YEA BOY

44. Do you like to travel by plane?
only done it once when i was a youngster, it was cool?

45. Right-handed or Left-handed?
alittle of both

46. If you could go to any place right now where would you go?
camping

48. Are you missing someone?
yea

49. Do you have a tattoo?
not yet

50. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?
YEA

51. Are you hiding something from someone?
i hide alot from alot of people

52. ARE YOU 18?
YEA

53. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?
i forget

54. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT?
i never do

55. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING?
"i missed her"

56. WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE?
fire, knifes, clock, money

57. GRILLED OR FRIED?
depends on what it be

59. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE?
mostly everything i do, no one is like me

60. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
twas a good show!!

61. FAVORITE HANGOUT?
hot shots i guess

62. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?
food
money
love

64. FAVORITE SONG?
right now "i know the reason" by carbon leaf

65. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
being forgotten

66. ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER?
both

67. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
riceball, joey ko, the matter, the mad hatter, mr rice, the jester, the story teller, boy scout joe

68. WHAT IS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME?
peter

69. WHATS YOUR MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME?
no idea

70. STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD TAKE ONE THING?
michelle

71. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL?
no idea

72. WHO'S YOUR CELL PHONE PROVIDER?
T-moblie

73. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE?
myself

74. FAVORITE COLOR?
black, red, lime green

75. WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU?
wallet, glasses, cell

76. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
power ranger, still do too

77. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS?
turn it back

78. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET?
tie-dye?

79. WHO DO U WANT TO MEET?
myself in teh furture

80. WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?
alot of diffrent things, mostly "i hope i dont wake up"

flyingriceball @ 2006-03-07T23:45:00

2006-03-08T05:22:19Z

i dont know why i keep these things. i mean ill use em alot then not then alot then not i just cant stay up to date with shit. im not very computer savy. i dont know as much as other do. im not smart or motivated or focused. i should be. and i keep telling myself im going to do stuff, then i dont. i just cant seem to care. this is my life but sometimes it feels so fake. people are all going away to college and have ideas on what they want to do. their lives have meaning. im just some slacker who dosent seem to care. i dont want to grow up. i dont want to be an adult. i know that as soon as i start to ill change and probbly not for the better. i love who i am and i dont want to change. i need one of them heart to heart conversation with someone in person. cause this online stuff dosent cut it. there are only a few people who i feel comfortable talking with but finding time in person to do so is hard. i dont want to disappear and become another face or something like that. people keep saying i have to do this on my own but i cant. im not that kind of person. i need some kind of support and im not feeling it. i feel like im going to fall and no one will even be there to watch. i tried talking to a few people but it dosent help that they dont know the feeling or they have to shower. i know everyone has their own thing to do, but how many times have i gone on a limb for someone. how many times had i refused anything just becuase their my freind. and now, when i do need them and im going crazy its like they cant. i just need an hour or two. i hate how this shit only hits me late at night when im alone. i guess its cause then im by myself and theres no one to distract me from my feeling cause i hate to bring people down. you know i use to have people to talk to then shit happened and they all disappeared. i use to have so many people then this fear sunk in. and as i met new people id slowly turn them away. i need to shake this. i need to try. i need to give it my all and do the best i can. i need a warm cup of coco and a hug. i need focus. i need a dream. i need a goal.

flyingriceball @ 2006-03-01T21:02:00

2006-03-02T02:10:46Z

ok so ive been sick and whatnot and not doing ym work and im going cazy. people are all talking about things and making plans and ive finaly got my head out of the clouds yet i cant find a reason to do my work. i want the good grades i want to pass i just dont know whats wrong. i need something in my life something im in charge of. i always did good when i had scouts. but im an adult now no pressure. i need something. theres never been any school pressure. i need to feel it. ive always been a good student so techers dont bug me. but i guess i need them to. so i guess what im saying is unless i have someone on my case i do crappy. i hate that but its how i am. i need to get on ym case. i dont know if ill do the research paper. probbly not. ill jsut bs my way into another day or something and work my ass off tomorrow. i do that alot and its not cutting it any more. im such a good bser but its getting to the point where bs means bs to people. damn it to hell. ive done nothing for my future. its my fault and i hate it. everyone do me a favor, drive me crazy with college. please.

flyingriceball @ 2006-02-26T00:39:00

2006-02-26T05:39:19Z

as of 39 minutes ago, i became 18. yay.

flyingriceball @ 2006-02-22T16:35:00

2006-02-22T21:36:29Z

yea so i asked her. she said yes. i smiled. she smiled. i feel good. still got school shit to deal with. i have to bs a complete!!! 3 page essay for tomorrow. thats cool shit ant it. im a slacker. im not going to last.

flyingriceball @ 2006-02-20T20:03:00

2006-02-21T01:03:38Z

"Floating as a ghost through events, forever

unnoticed"

You are someone who is very lonely in life and feel

like no one ever notice you. Due to this you

lack in confidence in yourself and also have

little belief anything you do matters.

Therefor you are passive to most situations

and let other people take care of it, while

you stand aside. When you have a problem you

keep it to yourself, thinking no one will

care anyway if you told them. In social

gatherings you feel anxious and out-of-place

and like to stay away. When you see someone

having a problem you don't really meddle, not

because you don't care but because you think

they wouldn't want to have you around. A way

you could get noticed is through the

Internet, where you can open up more than you

do in real life.

What is Your Phrase? [for darker people]
brought to you by Quizilla

You are an assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your

job without mixing any emotions in it. In

your life you have probably been hurt many

times and have gotten some mental scars. This

results in you being distant from people.

Though many think that you are evil, you are

not. What you really are is a person, trying

to forget your pain and past. You are the

person who never seems to care and that is

why being an assassin fits you good. Atleast,

that's what people think. Even if you don't

care that much for your victims, you still

have the ability to care and to generally

feel. It is not lost, just a little

forgotten. In crowds you tend to not get to

noticed, and dress in black or other discrete

colours. You don't being in the spotlight and

wish people would just leave you alone. But

once you do get close to someone you have a

hard time letting go and get real down if you

loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around

us to keep out the sadness also keep out the

joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

You need understanding.
In your life there has been many people that

could never seem too comprehend your

personality. Now you have either become an

out-cast because of their narrow minds or you

have adjusted yourself to them, and never

letting them see who you are deep inside. You

now think that no one will ever understand

you and you hate that fact. Though you are

scared of what the effects might be if you

would decide to let someone in so you keep a

safe distance that you both curse and bless.

What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

You are sad because of your life and obsession with

death

Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people
brought to you by Quizilla

Your word is: Hate. Your heart has been turned to

black since you haven't experienced love, or

maybe you felt love but got none in return.

So if no one else is willing to like you,

then why like them? You are now a very bitter

soul, trying to find a place and perhaps

someone who can co-exist with you. That can

be a problem since you tend to keep away from

most people and be rude, but maybe someday

you will be okay again.

What Dark Word Represents You? [anime pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

Your element is Ice. This element may seem a little

odd, but this is a side-effect from when the

element of Water gets too hurt. Once you were

a content soul, and happy with life. But then

something happened. Not necessarily on one

day, it probably happened gradually over

time. You lost your will to care and became

even more reserved from the world. People had

hurt you in ways you do not want to remember

and now you isolate yourself from them. You

have turned into an outsider and probably

dress more in black than you used to. Your

depression is eating you up and tearing you

apart and the worst part is that no one is

willing to help, or so it seems. In school

you are often by yourself or one single

friend and you rarely seem to be truly happy

anymore. Your sad, distant eyes and constant

frown seems glued to your face and you need a

saviour from this world. You may turn to

music for understanding and sing/scream along

in the lyrics to get rid of some pain. You

are not very open about your problems to your

family/friends, and wish that they would just

notice it and make it go away.

What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]
brought to you by Quizilla

Your soul is dead.
You've probably been through one too many rough

times in your life which has eaten you up

from the inside. Now there's nothing more to

eat from since you just don't care anymore.

Life is meaningless and you live it like a

zombie. The good thing though is that you

cant be hurt, since you are so distant from

the emotional world. Love is something you

dont understand or just dont remember. If it

was up to you, your life would already be

over, but it doesn't make you suicidal. You

are probably alone most of the time, looking

at the world with a blank stare. The yearning

to feel alive and be happy has simply gone

away. What's left now is only the shell of

what used to be you.

How is your soul? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

Your connection with darkness is through your

depression. Hated, sad and often feeling

lonely, there is only a few that appreciate

the real you. You tend to keep to yourself

and away from the world since you don't want

to be hurt and betrayed again. Music gives

you the understanding you need to get

through, it's your "therapy". Or

you express yourself through art or writing.

Chances are you're also an anti-social

person, who only likes being with close

friends, if even that. The world has finally

showed it's true face for you and you wish

life wasn't this miserable to live through.

Maybe you'll find happiness in the future,

but right now you're just hiding away from

the world. Who needs people anyway?

What is your connection with darkness? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

Your wise quote is: "Reality bites with a

variety of sizes of teeth"(-Tony

Follari)
As a person, you think life is just plain

painful, horrible and everything else you

don't like. Happy people confuse you. Alot. I

mean, why are they so happy anyway? You are

depressed and perhaps utterly alone and live

life rather montone. You feel there is no

reason to really be here and feel helpless.

What wise quote fits you? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

flyingriceball @ 2006-02-19T00:48:00

2006-02-19T06:01:14Z

ok so me and boogie have been chillen alot lately and its been fun as hell. weve been chillen with mallory, binz, michelle and amanda. its been lots and lots of fun. today was the best tho. so i wake up around 10 and chillen in bed. then i get up shower, eat bring in a table in my robe then im off to my freind mooses house to work on some scout shit. so then i jet over the boogies around the corner and were chillen. so then we head to my house to see whats up and to let my mom know ill be gone. no ones home so after callin mama we jam over to mals were we chill and watch dick tracy. good movie yall go watch it. so then michelle calls and we all go to pick her up. then we go to joes for some good pizza. then we saw date movie, funny but wasnt that long. so we then went to bruzwick for some cosmic bowlin. boogie had to leave so i took him home then came back. we finished our second game. then i took mal and the lot home and dropped off michelle on the way back since it was easier (not really i just wanted to take he home alone cause i dig her). so then i pull up and her and i are chatting in the car. so i step inside for abit then she walks me out to the car. and under the moonlight at like 12 o'clock we share a little kiss and then a long hug. so then i drove home and couldnt stop smilen. and now im writing this after moving furniture and talking with her. yea im a big ass dork but i dont care. joes all happy inside and the only way someone could ruin this is by like...chopping off my hand.

flyingriceball @ 2006-02-13T17:08:00

2006-02-13T22:09:08Z

ive given up on alot of things in my time. myself, smoking, drinking, cutting...a few times, masterbating, hell i even gave up tv once. but ive never been able to stop. but i think i have. i finaly stopped caring. im over it. i just dont care any more. its not senioritis or anything i just stopped caring. i dont care about graduating, or college or working. i dont care about money or getting a job or even being happy. fuck happy. im content right now because i dont care. and it feels really really good. im hungry as fuck tho but that cant be helped. i think i found my key to dealing with shit. now if i could only find people who didnt care and chill with them life be sweet. oh and i think im starting to fall for this girl. which is weird cause i dont care about anything. maybe its a good thing. i need balance and i dont have any. i think ill start caring again soon i just need a vacation.

flyingriceball @ 2006-02-05T19:23:00

2006-02-06T00:46:00Z

so every now and again the joe will fall pray to his feelings. and now is one of them times. i6ts weird becuase i had fast food friday but because of the things ive been doing i havent started feeling depressed until today. and that was cancled out by something having to deal with her. this is really crazy.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yea you bleed just to know you're alive

ive posted that many times and i will many more. i love iris.

flyingriceball @ 2006-02-04T18:35:00

2006-02-04T23:37:10Z

this happened the other day and i cant get it out of my head. at diner my mom told me that "ive got to go to the dentists on the 27th so im sorry well celebrate your birthday on another day, unless you want to cook."
1. thats not my birthdat mom, atleast you got the month right for once.
2. thats fucked up cooking your own birthdat diner, cause in my family we always try to make it what that person really likes and we make it all specail and shit.
3. thats the first mention of my birthday normaly they start asking the month before, they do with my bro and sis.

i always do what is asked of me. i try my hardest not to piss off mom and dad. i do alot more then is needed of me yet they still fuck that kinda stuff up. for my sisters 18th they were going crazy. like 3 months before they knew what they were gettin her and all this stuff. but for me they cant even remember the day. how fucking lovely.

flyingriceball @ 2006-01-30T00:29:00

2006-01-30T05:40:49Z

ok kids so im freaking out again. i think im going to untill i figure out what im going to do with my life. everything seems to petty next to it. i mean my problems with school work seem like nothing. hell i could fail out of college and knowing me i could probbly get a better job then most kids in my class. its really sad. ive said it before i just have a way with words. i can overcome better judgement with them, i can over come limitations, rules, and laws but im still having trouble with emotions. i just need more practice. and being face to face with the person helps alot. i mean thats half the battle, eye contact. but this is petty too. unless i have a job where i can use my talents then im useless. i need to do something were talking is important. you know what ive been thinking, music. i mean if i was working for a booking agent i bet i could get my band in almost anywhere. and its with music which i love to death so its a win win kinda thing. no i wouldnt become some asshole like you see on tv it would be about the music. a booking agent...ill have to look into it but i bet it will be something i great at. ~sigh~ i guessthese means ill have to change everything im doing for college. i need to see my guidance counceler i bet she could really help me out. i dont mind doing work if it involves something i love. god i need like a hug and some tea. man ill have to make a big batch tomorrow. damn it all to hell!! i wish i was in my own place. i mean i do and i dont. soo much is taken care of for me but i just wish i had a little more freedom. but ill live with what i have and when the time comes ill move out and be gone. not forever ill still be around ill just be seen less, alot less. im barely seen now. i mean i dont leave my house often and i dont do very much. man i soo wish i had something to talk to. this stuff drives me crazy. it feels like ive got no one to talk to. everyone has to put in their two cents i just want someone to listen and be like "wow joe it sounds like something you should look into" and then try to help. its not that i dont like you people its just...sometimes i wish i had a yes man to go to just to feel good. any who fill this shit out and post it. im kinda curiouse.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
29. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

flyingriceball @ 2006-01-23T22:44:00

2006-01-24T04:01:23Z

yea so im starting to think that im like some crazy fucker. cause one day ill be on cloud nine but like 5 minutes later ill be dreading the next day. ive got this drama scene to put on at the end of the week and i dont want to. i really really dont. i mean its a cool scene and the kid im working with is cool but i mean like...i was just kinda thrown into the scene. i hate that shit. i HATE!! being thrown into something. i really do. its just fuckin GAY. but i probbly would have picked it like it is know. its just the fact that i didnt pick. but man o man o man. i think that im ready to move on in life. like im all antzy and inpatient all of a sudden and i was never like that before. well i have been before but only when i was ready to move on. so i think im ready to move on. i dont know to what yet but something bigger and better. maybe im ready to grow up?? HAHAHAHAHHA ya right. maybe im jsut ready to add more to my life. who knows. it will come or it wont. but ima keep truckin on. fuck me im a pimp. all the little girlies want me they just refuse to admit it. haha i love myself sometimes. like when im a pimp. PAWNED BITCHES!! ok well this kid is off to bigger and better thing.

flyingriceball @ 2006-01-21T18:48:00

2006-01-21T23:55:17Z

fuck im starting to think that im just a pariod bitch. lets start off with friday morning. well i had stolen a bow tie from my freind and was wearing it along with my tuxedo shirt, yes i have just a tuxedo shirt that i look good in. so as im walking to my car wearing both i look into my window and see my refelction and then it hits me, im a good looking guy. before that moment i thought i was some ugly white trash but it suddenly hit me that i was a stupid fuck and had been wrong. so that made my day. i was just fuckin happy as hell. so school happened yad yad yad. then it was after school. i went to swaks house picked up bo and andy. then we followed robbie out to hamliton where empty minded was playin a show. it was bad ass and bo tod did a flip over me. so yea i tried macking with some chicks but they were all like spaced out and stupid nothnig happened. but robbie told "dude you look like a schopher" you know the guys paid to drive people around. so then im chillen there with bo and i just turn to this chick and im like "yo ive been designated to drive you to paridise city, were the grass is green and my cock is pretty. are you ready for the ride". everyone busted out laugh and it was good shit. someones i can be a real perv but its always funny and never weird or creepy. and its normal around people who are like "dude thats fuckin funny" cause ya know you cant do that shit around anyone. but ya so theres this party going on in like 10 minutes that i might go to. i dont know. i kinda wanna try and see if i can make something happen with this girl. cause well i like her. but i dont know if anything will. ive got a back up plan thats like a failure cause so i may be good looking but no one wants to get with this. but yea im just a kid with a bed self image. so ummm ima go do something. probbly rock out or like sleep. who knows. im crazy right now. all hyped up and stuff. WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

flyingriceball @ 2006-01-17T16:35:00

2006-01-17T21:37:42Z

yea ok so im ready to just sit down and cry. i cant take this any more. i need like a vacation from thought. i need time when i dont have to worry. i just need this marking period to be over. then ill have a weekend of nothing on my mind. ill maybe hang out with a freind do lunch or something. just relax and ease my mind. heres what i want everyone to do. next time you see me, give me a big hug and tell me its gonna be ok. cause im falling and i dont know how far the ground is. i think that will help. but in other news im eating ice cream, which is totaly my comfort food. and because of that im kinda smilen. i wishes i had a horse tho. i keep day dreaming of riding around and just living off the land. ~sighs~ how fun that would be. maybe not my whole life but atleast a week.

flyingriceball @ 2006-01-16T12:31:00

2006-01-16T17:33:06Z

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arg. thats just how i feel right now. im on edge. i think im going to become anti-socail for awhile. i seem to be slipping that way. maybe i just need a break. maybe i just need a hug. but right now...i need some tea.

flyingriceball @ 2006-01-15T23:32:00

2006-01-16T04:55:00Z

arg. i need a place to rant and i can find none better then this journal. i hope you kids know that i use these things as a way to vent and feel better about things. mostly i dont act apon any feelings because ive surpressed them for far to long to let them get the better of me but alas sometimes they get the better of me. well firt off lets start at the most trouble. i hate myself. normaly im ok and i dont hate myself but as of late i cant really see any reason not to. i mean im going no where and fast. im doing worse in all my classes, i think im pissing people off more then i am making them smile, i cant stand the thought of getting a job or even going to college for that matter, and im starting to think that im useless. mind you that i only ever feel useful if i can help my freinds and normaly thats by making them smile and feel good about whatever is bothering them. for you see i surpress my feelings for those of others no its not healthy at all and im probbly going to kill myself that way. now the only useless traits i have is leadership and moral boosting which makes me a perfect canidate for the army. which im starting to think is more and more of a better idea. i could survive in boot camp. id have to push myself as hard as i could but i could do it. im a fast thinker and im even faster at reacting. but then theres my hate for authority if its not me. i hate being told what to do. i cant stand it. but i dont know. i wont unless i try it.
everyone knows that smile i have. that smile that just seems to make everyone smile. well i think its dieing. i think ive used it all up. i think that everyone has it and it should last their whole life but within my first 18 years ive used it up. i think whats really going on is that i dont know any more. i use to always know. i use to be the guy to go to. i was the one with all the answers, i always knew. and well..suddenly i dont know. i think thats killing me. im so scared because i dont know and im just starting to shut myself down. i seems kinda crazy but it totaly fits. i just need something, one thing and ill be fine but theres nothing. im alone. in all truth you loss about 90% of your high school freinds. for me ive got so many its going to hurt. its not even like i have someone specail to me. i dont have a best freinds, ive got close freinds but i cant say i have a best because there are things i just dont trust to people. like this. all of this. ive held this in since the begining of the school year and its just now exploding out of me. i just need something to hold on to and be ok because lets face it im not perfect like i act like. im a fuck up who needs support, more then i take. and suddenly im falling and i have no safty net to save myself with. i think i might even break down. ive got this pattern to break downs due to stress from school but this year i have had any and i can feel one coming, a big one. im just going to crumble soon. ill become a shell of myself. i wont smile i wont laugh. i dout ill even sign or anything. ill just sit there and be useless. i dont know any more. i just need something. im drowning in my own pool, im falling out of my tree, im choking and im all alone. i cant stand this any more. im going to explode and i dont know what will happen. i think im going to start doing something to feel better, i think im going to become mroe honest about my feelings because i think thats whats been killing me the most. its probbly to late but well seen. who knows. maybe ill just die in my sleep peacefuly and i wont have to worry and nor will you guys.

flyingriceball @ 2006-01-02T22:40:00

2006-01-03T04:42:33Z

so shits fucked up right about now. my father whiped my comp and i lost all my shit. everything. pictures, music, things i ahd writen, links, programs. arg....ive asked him before to tell me so i can save a few things but he dosent care. soon ill have my own comp which ill do things to so no one but I will be able to use it. its not that i dont like to share, its that i hate sharing with my brother because he dosent take care of things.

flyingriceball @ 2005-12-31T01:17:00

2005-12-31T06:19:50Z

ok since im an asshole ima post something here that isnt in my other journal. im not sleeping any more. by that i mean im going to run on as little sleep as possible. i really hate sleep. its a waste of time. i want to one day invent a pill that will take the place of sleep. think about it, you take that and youll have all night to study without worrying about crashing. more time for hw, freinds, work, chorus, anything you want. it will be amazing! it will slowly kill people for they will not use it correctly but i dont care. i want to rid myself of sleep!

flyingriceball @ 2005-12-30T22:56:00

2005-12-31T04:02:50Z

yea so i really dont update this journal. i gusse cause im busy with my other one. i dont know why i jsut kinda ignore this one. im an asshole im sorry. but yea just go to that one and read it.

flyingriceball @ 2005-12-17T23:41:00

2005-12-18T04:42:03Z

so i havent updated in awhile. i was trying to think why and it hit me. every time i open my mouth i hurt, piss off, or offend someone. with that being said, alot of people think im cool and really like me. what the fuck is up with that? cant you see past the stupid corny jokes and see the man behind the fake smile to see how horrible he is? this offencive, mean, nasty asshole that you all love. he never calls or writes you back. he never keeps any promises he makes. hell sell any one out in a heart beat, yet you still love him. kids theses days....some need to be shot.